Today, after spending an amazing day with my friends, I realized how much things are still the same, unlike before, when all I could think about were the many changes that are taking place and how I’m going to struggle adapting to them.
This will be my letter to you. The two of my greatest friends. I guess I no longer need to give you an introduction; you already know who you are, and everyone else probably knows that too, so let’s just get this started.
You see, these past few months really haven’t been that easy for us. The three of us all have our individual lives that have been knocked down like a house of cards, and we are still in the state of fixing everything up. And the thing that breaks my heart the most is that I can’t be there for you guys. I mean, I’m no longer a student. I can’t keep coming back to where you are and still spend every day doing nothing but smoke cigarettes, sit around and laugh, and just be there. And being there means a lot to me as a friend. And do you know what they say about days? It’s that most days of the year are unremarkable; they begin and they end with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact in the course of someone’s life. You know I actually believed that before I met the two of you, before I had anyone I could spend every day with and not do the same things and never get bored at all.
Yes, most days are unremarkable. Not every day has to be legendary, because if they were, then we would get so used to it that we’ll start considering them as normal days, and when legendary days become normal, there’s just no way to top them. Call it one of the basic laws of the universe. I believe in that.
But if you put all of the days we spent together in one place, now that’s what you call remarkable. Now that’s something that has an impact on the course of someone’s life. The kind of impact that just punches you in the face just to let you know that your life is amazing. I mean, none of us became friends overnight, right after we met, but thanks to a great number of days, we’ve managed to learn a lot from one another until we realized the compatibility of the friendship. We’ve seen our flaws, and we love each other enough to accept those flaws. We found out about our baggage, and with your help, I’ve managed to carry mine easier while I helped you carry yours. We’ve also learned our strengths, the ones we cling to when one of us (or all of us) is down. And without realizing it, we’ve managed to build a strong foundation that can carry our friendship no matter how heavy it gets (because let’s face it, Nin’s fat and therefore heavy).
And with that, everything was amazing. No words can possibly describe how lucky I am that I found you guys. I mean, what if we flourished financially and I ended up going to DLSU anyway? What if Nin studied in Manila or back home instead of AMA? What if Meeku pushed through with his plans to be a soldier? The possibilities are endless, but somehow we ended up finding one another anyway. Would our paths still would have crossed if these things went their way? I can’t imagine not knowing you and bumping into you somewhere one day, and not giving a shit. Maybe that’s how it will be in a parallel universe, but I don’t want that universe. I want this one. I’m much happier here.
But the thing is, my good buddies, the one thing I have grown to enjoy the most in my entire life is becoming something that I only get to taste once or twice a week. I can’t spend every single day of the week with you guys anymore.
And I know you’re probably tired of me telling you these things: I’ll always be there for you still, just give me a call and I’ll listen to you if you find yourself in any trouble, tell me your stories if something nice happens or just how your day went. I mean, I say this to you and plenty of other repetitive things every time I come to visit you. I’ve noticed that too. And I just want you to understand that this isn’t easy for me too. I miss you every day I’m gone, and I don’t think you’re ever going to feel the way I’m feeling now. The feeling of graduating ahead of all your friends and wanting to go back just so you could spend time with them. Not being able to laugh at everything your friends say because they’re just that fucking hilarious. Being at home while they’re all at school hanging out or drinking out somewhere, and you’re wondering if they’re even thinking about you. Worst of all, probably, is no longer being the first person they turn to whenever something goes wrong simply because you’re out of reach, and if stricken by bad luck, being the last. If I could spend just one last trimester with you guys, I would do it. I knew this day would come, but I had no idea it would be this hard. I was so used to being around you guys. But I guess you can’t always have what you want. That’s not how life rolls. In fact, our friendship is probably the one thing I actually wanted and actually got. And for that, I’m grateful.
I just miss you. And I’m glad that I got to spend yesterday and today with you. And now that the week is over, I don’t think I’ll be coming in for visits any time soon. Thinking about it makes me miss you even more already.
I just hope that even though I can’t spend every day with you anymore, you won’t forget all about me. Please keep in touch, and know that if there’s anything you need from me, anything at all, I would give it as long as the world lets me.
You’re my best friends. I hope I get to stay yours too.